Legolas visits the Dentist
by Spooks Apprentice
Summary: Want to know what happens when Legolas visits the dreaded dentist? Will he survive the evils of tooth surgery? Will he get over his fears of the dentist? Find out by reading our story!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We don't own LOTR…cries

**MUST READ! Just to explain a few things: Every two thousand human years equals one Elvin year, so Legolas is 10 000 (five.) This isn't to be taken seriously; I think you'll get that idea pretty quickly. This story is the first in a series about Legolas when he's young done by us (Spook's apprentice and Vampire Snail). This story is separated into two (Very short.) parts.**

Legolas visits the dentist Part one.

The 26th of May. The day that Legolas had dreaded since his mum made the appointment. Dentist Day! Legolas was trying every kind of strategy to stop from going there. He locked himself in the bathroom… but failed to get out for dinner so some of the palace guards had to knock the door down. He tried burying himself but sadly he dug a hole in the gardens so the gardeners managed to catch him before he managed to bury himself. You see he hadn't brushed his teeth in 200 years. The dentist, Vallinus, had haunted him for years upon years of years. But it seemed like there was no escape now… his mum, Eradora, would be there soon to take him to the dentist. He was too scared to leave his room.

His hair was grey and lank, with only a few strands left of it at the back of his head. His teeth were now putrid rotten black stumps and whenever he breathed his teeth let off a ghastly stench that could be smelt from the other end of the room.

His mother stormed into the room with a gallon of mouthwash and a gas mask on. Legolas shied under his fairy pattered doona. Eradora dragged him out of the bed as Legolas pulled his lacy pink shawl over his head, hoping that if he couldn't see his mum she wouldn't see him. But his attempts were to no avail. Eradora ruthlessly ripped off the shawl and carefully undoing the lid on the bottle of mouthwash she shoved it in Legolas's mouth. He screamed out in terror and tried spitting it back into the bottle but Eradora held his nose so he had to swallow it.

Gasping for breath, Legolas pitched forward coughing. His mother was spraying deodorant (in Moria Musk) around the room to reduce the smell, making Legolas cough even more. He grabbed the lacy pink shawl and it for emotional support. He also got his best friend, Foppsy his stuffed bunny rabbit and started sucking his thumb with a pout on his face. At least his filthy thumb still tasted the same.

MMMmmmm…. He felt safe and secure with his 'friends' until Eradora grabbed his remaining hair and dragged off to the stables. But before they set off on their journey Eradora filled a big barrel with water and started washing Legolas with a scourer. She managed to mangle the shawl Legolas had with him making him burst into tears. She put the shawl in a nearby shredder since it was of no use now. Then she pulled Legolas out and standing him in front of a massive hair dryer and turned it on to full blast, then came in the whole hair manicure thing. She dyed his hair blonde then booffed it up so people couldn't see his baldness. Then she gave him some false teeth to wear so his black stumps were well covered. Afterwards she made him bathe in moisturizer to make his skin soft and beautiful. Then she took off his clothes and renewed his outfit with tight fitting green tights and a grey/green tunic with a wide metallic belt (very cool!). Legolas couldn't bear the thought of going ANYWHERE near the dentist without a comfort item, so he put on his lucky fluffy pink bedsocks (he wears them under his boots all the time.) and put Foppsy under his arm. As he rode on the pony Vallinus' Surgery Legolas muttered reassurances to Foppsy.

"It's going to be alwight Fopps, we'll be fine." He said nervously while biting his fingernails.

They soon arrived at the dental surgery. A small moat surrounded it a there was a bridge crossing to the building.

Legolas, sill clutching Foppsy, let John, his pony, loose as a diversion, it was escape time! His mother chased John and Legolas started to look for a place to hide. He didn't want to go into the pond since he couldn't swim. There was a low hedge but Legolas didn't want to wreck his newly booffed hair. And there was a muddy ditch not to far away but he didn't want to go in there either since he hadn't been this clean in 39 years, 2 months and 6 days. That just left him with one choice: the feeding trough which he quickly dived into.

The trough was filled with grains and fresh grass, Legolas found some of the grains were supremely itchy… but the dentist was worse. He started to cover himself with the fodder. Suddenly, Bev, his mum's horse, plodded over for a feed.

_Mmmmm… yummy food is just what I need_, thought Bev.

Bev was slowly munching down towards Legolas, who was desperately hoping she only wanted a short snack. He didn't want to be stuck there forever, Bev had a reputation for eating everything and Legolas didn't want Bev to try his lovely new clothes, or even worse… his gorgeous new hair. He needed to work out something to do and quick. He thought through the situation (which was very hard). He only had two options.

1. Stay there and possibly get eaten by Bev, who come to think of it, would probably eat him too if she was really hungry.

Or

2. Get out swiftly and face mum and the dentist…

Will it be death by munching or Dentist?

Maybe the dentist could, just maybe, be better then death…

**Please review, even if you didn't like it we'd love to hear your point of view on our story, writing etc. Also an interesting note (we thought it was quite funny) Spook's apprentice called the horse and pony John and Bev and after we finished the story she realized she named them after her teacher and her teacher's husband:)**

**Have a good new year! Spook's Apprentice and Vampire Snail**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: We still don't own LOTR…

**MUST READ! Just to explain a few things: Every two thousand human years equals one Elvin year, so Legolas is 10 000 (five.) and Arwen's the same age as Legolas. Thanks for all the awesome reviews I really appreciated them and your honesty. And sorry I haven't updated quickly, I was planning to do so a few days after I did part one but we've been really busy… Anyway, I'll quit warbling and get on with the Grand Finale.**

Legolas visits the dentist Part Two

Legolas quietly took a breath; he could hear his mum returning with John, this was time to make the BIG choice. He chose… (Drum rolls)…THE DENTIST! But while he made his fatal choice Bev had started munching on his glorious, beautifully booffed hair! Legolas quickly drew out his most famous weapon… the carrot named Crunchy. He'd already are some of it so the edge was nice and sharp. He started hacking off the hair Bev was happily munching away on as fast as Crunchy could bear. He made sure Foppsy was safe, straightened his tunic and was preparing to get out when…Bev sensed the carrot. Her body tensed and her nostrils started to flair. She wanted the carrot! It was her favourite meal, her precious. She bit wildly for Crunchy, and finding it, clamper her jaws on it. Then she started gobbling it up!

_No not the carrot!_ Legolas thought. It was then that he realized while Bev was busy he could make an escape. He leapt out of the trough at top speed, only to be caught by is mum!

"Eggie sweetie, where have you been?" She exclaimed, Eggie being Legolas' nickname.

She grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and dragged him to the bridge while resurrecting his hair and telling him off.

She liked to make people feel safe one minute and attack them the next. That's why Legolas was a bit messed up.

The fish darted away as Eradora stomped over the bridge. She straightened up his tunic and dusted off the grains and grass, forcing him off to the dentist with him complaining all the way.

As soon as the automatic door slid open the gross, fake smell of a dental surgery whacked them like a fry pan. The receptionist, a dwarf, glared at them and told them to take a seat. Legolas took his words to literally and picking one up he off with it. Just before he got to the door it was opened and none other the Elrond and Arwen entered. Arwen (who was good friends with Legolas.) was cowering behind her plushy blue elephant, Jilly, and Elrond was gently pushing her along.

"Eggie! You're here too!" Cried Arwen delighted to see him there.

"But not for much longer, I'm going to escape!" Legolas replied bravely giving Foppsy a reassuring hug.

"Please take me too!" She wailed.

Arwen's hair was lank and her face creased with worry. Jilly was nearly flattened from Arwen hugging her so tightly.

Elrond, who'd heard all of their short conversation pushed them back to Eradora. She was reading 'Elfin Weekly'. Elrond taped the two youngsters to some chairs and handed them a copy of 'TotalElf' each. Legolas immediately flipped toward the quiz page, the quiz was 'Do you spend too much time on your appearance?' He scored overgroomed (He blamed his mum). Arwen was looking up all the latest fashion's for elves.

This kept them both occupied for about five minutes until the dentist appeared and said, "Legolas, will you please come through."

Eradora untapped him and shoved him towards Vallinus, Legolas nearly wetting his pants from fright. After his intial fear of Vallinus, Legolas began to snigger at this bearded little freak. Vallinus had long brown dreadlocks and was dressed like a goth. He had piercings all over him and on his right arm sported a tattoo saying 'I Love Teeth'. When he grinned Legolas saw the whitest, straightest, most perfect set of teeth he'd ever come across. And they were real, no false teeth here. Legolas hoped he wouldn't notice his false teeth.

"Ah, you have false teeth!" Vaillinus said.

Legolas nearly leapt out of his pink bedsocks when heard Vallinus utter those words. He quickly made a run for it but the receptionist dwarf pulled out a rope and lasooed him.

"They always do that!" The receptionist dwarf grumbled, dragging Legolas back.

The receptionist dwarf (Greg), blindfolded Legolas and spun him around 5 times before he pushed the young elf into the dentist's room and onto the chair.

"Okay Legolas, I'll need to take these false teeth out otherwise I won't be able to see what your REAL teeth are like. Now don't worry, this will just be a check-up, it's important that we keep a record of how your teeth are going and I notice you haven't been here in the last 200 years." Vallinus said gently, he was a kind hearted dwarf.

Vallinus took off Legolas' then shone a bright light into Legolas' face blinding him. **(Vallinus is a hopeless dentist, you will find out soon enough who REALLY does the work.) **Then Vallinus ripped off Legolas's false teeth very awkwardly. The terrible sight of Legolas' rotten black stumps not only made him scarred for life but made him FAINT!

Greg caught Vallinus' body and put it gently on the floor. Then he slapped Vallinus' face to revive him.

It didn't work.

He tried a bucket of water.

It didn't work.

He punched him in the stomach.

_IT_ didn't work.

That left him with one choice: Resuscitation…

But Greg decided to keep his dignity intact (after much consideration) and instead of resuscitating Vallinus, he dragged the unconscious body into a corner. He then wandered over to a CD player and on JoJo's 'Leave (Get Out)' and put the volume up to full sound blastin' strength! Sadly that didn't work either so Vallinus' was left there. Greg then got out the biggest, pointiest needle Legolas had EVER seen…

"NO! Not an injection, I'm to join to die!" Legolas screamed, in writhing around in agony, looking like he'd already had an injection.

Greg just grinned kindly, not hearing Legolas over the music. He then held Legolas' mouth open and gave his the injection. Legolas was to busy listening to the new song, Coldplay's 'Fix You'. Then his mouth went numb. Legolas noticed his mouth had gone all funny but since he had a short attention span he soon truned back to the music. He even forgot he was at the dentist!

Greg pulled out some massive pliers from his pocket. He proceeded to extract every single one of the 37 black stumps that used to be teeth. Then he found some plastic white teeth and nailed them in, one by one _and _having a coffee break every 5 teeth done.

Coffee… coffee plays a very important part in a dentist's life… but back to Legolas.

Legolas was slowly waking with classical music around him. He felt slightly sick and drowsy but man, did his teeth look hot or what? He would never have to bother about cleaning them again! He thanked Greg non stop for 8 minutes and promised to buy him a fluffy toy like Foppsy. Luckily Greg was modest and all the thanks didn't go to his head.

Greg, for no apparent reason, ran off to a small room with a picture of a male dwarf on the door. Legolas wandered out the surgery room with a cheesy smile on his face. When his mum saw his new and improved teeth she fainted, so when Greg returned he 'dealt with her'. While Legolas was waiting for his mother to recover he played ninja-ring-a-rosie with Arwen. When his mum revived they made the return journey home. Legolas had a cheesy grin on his face the whole time, flaunting his beautiful new teeth. He managed to scare away a rabid crow from stealing Foppsy with his blinding white teeth. With his plastic teeth he never needed to worry about going to the dentist again which equaled happiness.

THE END

**Hoped you liked the last bit…REVIEW please… and look out of for our next story about Legolas in this series, called Legolas in the Dungeons! (I know that sounded like a really bad advertisement, but hey, I want to you to read our next story!)**

**Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, see ya from us.**


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